when you’re in kindergarten, and you get “1+1=2″ correct, your teacher pats you on the head and exclaims, “good job!”

now you could defend a brilliant phd proposal and no one cares

many years ago, when i discovered the prayer of istekhaarah, it was amazing - jumping out of a plane with no parachute, certain god will catch you - and every time i did it, despite what the whole world said, how much they cautioned or augured ill for me, i witnessed miracles

i still pray istekhaarah, more even than i used to before, almost at ridiculously small steps i take in my life (due to fear, sorrow, and uncertainty)

and the miracles have stopped

but i still believe in it - in fact, moreso

i’m not in kindergarten anymore

I first heard this hadith from my mom, may Allah bless her. It is sooo beautiful and a great reminder for anyone who has forgotten that we human beings were never meant to be angels, and that Allah loves us greatly. When you read this, your heart fills with joy and you get tears in your eyes. But aside from it being hopeful, one of my favorite things about it is how Allah actually has a sense of humor, how He isn’t the way some people portray Him (only the scary parts - don’t get me wrong, He is awesome and worthy of our fear - but it’s not the ONLY side of Him!) - how it is so matter-of-factly mentioned the slip-up of the human at the end, how He has so much Compassion and understanding for us (lol imagine a Muslim saying such a thing in front of most of the people nowadays - he’d have his head cut off in 2 seconds!). So to all of you who have lost all hope in your lives, who spend your time reflecting on evil and crying, read this and smile. :)

Imagine you are traveling through the desert with your horse, which has the only food and water for miles around. It is very hot and you are sweaty, dusty, and thirsty in the middle of nowhere. All of a sudden, it seems your horse has run away. Imagine how upset you would be - most of us freak out if we lost our car keys or our passports - but in this situation,  it is CERTAIN DEATH. You frantically search for hours and finally feel hopeless and give up, but find unexpected relief! And so overwhelmed are you at your salvation you unintentionally say something blasphemous.

Now imagine God, who is Free of All Want, Who needs nothing, but is the Source of Everything, who does not have any weakness or dependency - is it really possible for Him to be happier than when you, who are weak and needy, finally get saved from a wretched death? This is how much your repentance, your return to Him, means. How many of us lowly creatures cannot forgive the petty slights of others while God is Above everything, Most Magnanimous. You are the runaway horse, the defiant and sinful slave, and when you decide to come back, God is there, pleased and welcoming. All Praise is for God, the Ever-Merciful!

Here is the original narration from the compilation by Imam Muslim:

“Allah has greater joy at the repentance of one His slaves when he turns towards Him than one of you would have over his mount, which, having escaped from him with his food and drink in the middle of the desert so that he has despaired of finding it and gone to a tree to lie down in its shade, suddenly appears standing by him while he is in that state, so that he takes its reins and then says out of the intensity of his joy, ‘O Allah, You are my slave and I am Your Lord!’ getting confused because of his intense joy.’”

Question: What is the significance of Hajj (the pilgrimage) in Islam?

Many times when we are sitting in our homes, in society, doing business, we forget about God. Taking a religious pilgrimage, traveling to a holy place and seeing the reminders of the religion, to physically touch the symbols, to be in a sacred setting, can help you in your faith.

In Hajj, most of the places and rituals are reminders of the “Father of Prophets” (the common point between Jews, Christians, and Muslims), Abraham (Ibrahim ‘alaihis salaam):

The Ka’bah - was the first house of worship which Abraham built
The Hills of Safa and Marwa - where Hagar was left with the baby Ishmael
The Well of Zam Zam - the miracle of the water which appeared
The Jamaraat (the pillars where Abraham was tempted) - this is where Abraham went to sacrifice his son - and why the Muslims at the time of ‘Eid do the sacrfice of the lambs, as a commemoration

I think it is sad that nowadays people go on “vacation”, spending money and time for frivolity, to relax their bodies, when they could spend their time and money to learn, to refresh their souls. I recommend any person of any faith to spend SOME of your time and money to travel in search of God or to travel to ponder what it is you believe in, at least once in your life.

Again, from the da’wah list: a person was convinced of the doctrine of monotheism, but unsure of the prophethood of Muhammad (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam). Here were some brief points I made:

1. Before he was given the Prophethood, Muhammad’s title given to him by his community was “Al-Ameen”, “The Trustworthy”. No one had ever known him to tell a lie. This shows his character before Islam.

2. When he received the Revelation, the Makkans, who had degenerated into paganism, did not know what to make of the Quran or his message. Some said he was insane, some that he was a magician, some that he was a poet. The fact was, what he brought was so unusual - and the Arabs at that time were famous for their oratory and eloquence. However, the people were undecided about which of these labels actually fit because not one of them fit him completely.

3. The Prophet’s message was: worship God alone. As it says in the Quran, it is not possible for a Prophet to come and say “Worship me”. Many of the false prophets you hear of simply end up calling people to elevate them until they try to claim godhood for themselves. The fact that Muhammad called for an end to polytheism and insisted on monotheism is in line with the message of all previous Prophets.

4. The Prophet risked his own life in battles against the polytheists, he lived an incredibly simple life, to the point that his Companions would often see that he had lines on his skin from sleeping on a straw mat or tie a stone on his stomach to ward off hunger pains or have his feet swell from the hours he stood in prayer. This is a sign of his sincerity.

5. In general, nowadays the character of the Prophet is severely attacked and this is quite natural for their are people who believe in other religions who don’t want people to be Muslim or see Islam spread (although it is the fastest growing religion in America and the world). Most of these attacks are culturally biased, such as that he had many wives, etc. To try to be more objective, simply reflect on the fact that the Makkans, who were at war with him and would have loved to destroy him, did not bring these petty ethnocentric complaints against him. That is because they shared a common culture and indeed much of the world (including the culture of the Old Testament, etc.) contained the very practices that people are feeling morally outraged over now. An honest person should not stoop to this level of egocentrism or hypocrisy in their evaluations.

6. To summarize, Muhammad is not someone one can clearly dismiss. To dismiss him, people use the belief that “He was a liar”. This is contradicted by obvious signs of his putting his own life and property on the line for the cause in which he clearly believed. So they end up saying, “Perhaps he was truthful that he believed he was a Prophet, yet he was deluded.” Again, there are many examples that would contradict this analysis - he was known to be clear and level-headed. The thing is, it is logical incoherency to claim he was both, yet people conveniently use one excuse to dismiss some of his actions and the other to dismiss other actions. Yet one cannot be both a liar (a deliberate fraud) and a deluded person (in the same issue) at the same time.

Obviously, these few points do not cover the whole scope of information on Muhammad peace be upon him, so feel free to search. But in the end, you should know that since this is a RELIGIOUS matter, it is most definitely a matter of faith and not an absolute science.  So it is left to your heart and its guidance, which is between you and God. As I am fond of saying, “The jury is always out” on some questions in life, and we must try our best to come to a decision so that we can begin living by it.

“Sadaqah”, the Islamic term for “charity” (this is different from “zakaat”, the “poor-due” which is mandatory), is derived from the root “sidq”, which means “truthfulness”. This is interesting, because it sheds light on the fact that human beings are inherently materialistic and the act of giving is a test of one’s veracity, one’s sincerity to God. I don’t know if this has happened to a lot of you out there, but I was going over some of the things I have given away and was surprised to see a sort of pattern emerge. It turns out that if I gave away “small” things, things that barely required time, effort, money, energy, or resources, things were fine. But the few times I have given away major things (either by way of money or time) to help other people or causes, those were the times when I was actually faced with some tests related to them. Mostly they had to do with bad reception, ingratitude, or ill-treatment by the very people who were the recipients (either for themselves or on behalf of other causes/organizations etc.). Not to say that bad behavior on their part is justified (”Whoever does not thank the people do not thank Allah”), but it dawned on me that what had started with a good intention (to help others or a cause for the sake of Allah) had ended up being a question mark. It was as if after the fact, Allah asked, “Did you really do that for My Sake? Let’s see!” And sad to say, I didn’t always feel or act the way I should have - I did get hurt or shocked etc. when in reality, none of that should have ever mattered.

Actually, Suratul Baqarah has entire passages devoted to this phenomenon and the following is just a PORTION of the whole section on the topic. However, I wanted to focus on a particularly beautiful analogy Allah gives:

“The likeness of those who spend their wealth in the Way of God is as the likeness of a grain of corn; it grows seven ears, and each ear has a hundred grains. Thus God gives manifold increase to whom He pleases. And Allah is Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knower.”

So first of all, a person who spends for the Sake of Allah actually only gives something very small - a grain or a seed. It is Allah who blesses it and brings from it good.

“Those who spend their wealth in the Cause of God, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury, their reward is with their Lord. On them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.”

Notice how Allah mentions the trap right here - that we might feel proud of what we gave or feel others owe us. So He qualifies the statement, saying the ones who receive bliss are only those who do not have any reservations about what they gave. And if you think about it, if you have experienced this feeling or seen it in others (lol things always look worse on others, don’t they) then you know that situation is anything but tranquil - rather the person who gives with reminders and injury feels uneasy or even regretful at the outcome.

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than charity followed by injury. And Allah is Free of Want and He is Most-Forbearing.”

So Allah reminds you of that which is better - that even a few kind words or overlooking the faults of others is better than that “great” act of charity you did which did not lead to contentment in your heart. You may as well have saved your money or time! And lastly, see how Allah points out that He is “Ghaniyy” - “Rich” is a common translation, but “Free of Want” is closer to the absolute independence Allah has from anything you might give “for” or “to” Him. In reality, if you help Allah’s Cause, you are helping yourself.

“O you who believe! Do not render in vain your charity by reminders of your generosity or by injury, like him who spends his wealth to be seen of men, and he does not believe in God, nor in the Last Day. His likeness is the likeness of a smooth rock on which is a little dust; on it falls heavy rain which leaves it bare. They are not able to do anything with what they have earned. And God does not guide the disbelieving people.”

In this Verse Allah warns you not to cancel out what you give and debases the low character of those who only give to gain fame or good repute. The likeness (and if you haven’t noticed all the analogies to giving tied to planting seeds, growth, multiplying, etc.) of one who does so is like a rock - the foundation of it is not equipped to bear fruit. The heavy rain is like the attention and praise of the people which fell on it, yet it resulted in nothing in the long term (and of course, in the Hereafter). So after all that rain, there was still nothing produced. (Subhaanallaah! I am amazed at the beautiful analogies Allah puts forth in the Quran - they are so perfect!) And finally he mentions “disbelieving” people. It is interesting to note that the word “kufr”, which means “disbelief” or more accurately “rejection of the Truth”, is in fact related to ingratitude! And here, the gratitude comes again from the realization that it is Allah who blesses something and the act we put forth is hardly anything.

“And the likeness of those who spend their wealth seeking God’s Pleasure while they in their ownselves are sure and certain that God will reward them, is the likeness of a garden on a height; heavy rain falls on it and it doubles its yield of harvest. And if it does not receive heavy rain, light rain suffices it. And God is All-Seer of what you do.”

And now the opposite analogy - those who spend with the right intention (Allah alone), having certainty He will reward them. Why? Because as we all know, our actions are actually based on our intentions. We might want to do a great act, but physical realities may prevent it from coming true - yet we still get rewarded for the intention behind it. So a person who gives for a good cause, the minute they intend to do it (and intention is not the lazy, wishful, delusional belief that we are all great people, but the actual effort to do it), they have already accomplished their part. After that, is up to Allah if it comes to fruition or not.

So their likeness is as a garden, an already fertile setting (the heart that is purely intentioned, which bears all good) set upon a height. The height only adds to its fertility, for it can easily receive sunlight and rain. “Heavy rain” falls on it, and again this is like the praise or love of the people. If you understood from all this that all acts of charity go unnoticed by others, that is not true. Sometimes it is recommended to give publicly (for example at a fundraiser to incite others to give as well) but generally it is not something that is actively sought, for again it can cloud the original intention. So IF heavy rain falls on such a pure heart, “it doubles its yield”, which means not only did the person have the blessing of having their charity accepted, they gave and received in return. And YET, it does not receive the “heavy rain”, the notice of the people, it suffices. So what a beautiful situation for the pure of heart! And Allah finishes by reminding you that He sees you, whether anyone else does or not.

“Would any of you wish to have a garden with date-palms and vines, with rivers flowing underneath, and all kinds of fruits for him therein, while he is striken with old age, and his children are weak, and it is struck with a fiery whirlwind, so that it is burnt? Thus does God make clear His Verses to you that you may give thought.”

And finally, Allah makes an analogy of basically what I began this paper with - the tests and trials that can strip you of your acts of charity. He asks us how we would like it if we had a lush garden, and then after a while, everything sort of deteriorates and we can’t hold onto it any more, the final result being destruction. This is a particularly powerful analogy since it serves a sort of dual purpose. Not only does it warn of the “after-effects” of charity, you know, when you are happy with what you did and think everything’s good - and then it starts becoming shady and going in a direction you didn’t anticipate. But it also serves as an analogy for life in general. How many of us have “great” lives, everything beautiful and shiny, but is spiritually devoid and only ends in the Hellfire?

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that “sadaqah” is indeed a test of truthfulness. I am not really a “materialistic” person, and never was, so I felt this would be an “easy” area. But that’s exactly when Allah tests your sincerity and asks, “Did you really do that for Me?” So I have to say it was a learning experience for me - as I did not expect it lol. If you ever experience this, here are some things that may help you salvage your acts of devotion:

- Before you give, remind yourself you are only giving for Allah, no matter what the outcome (try even to imagine the worst thing happens to you as a result - would you still give?)

- When you give, it is better to do it secretly (although allowed to do it openly) - recall the hadeeth of one of the “7″ who receive shade on the Day of Judgment, one who gave so secretly his left hand did not know what the right gave

- After you give, remember it is now with Allah and if you feel bad intentions coming in, then combat them - seek refuge from the whispers of Shaitaan, who is trying to void your deeds, keep affirming to Allah your sincerity, and if you are tested with the results of what you gave, then take active steps to come to peace with it (for example, forgive those who slight or wrong you, pray for them, etc.) but mostly keep asking for forgiveness for this weakness and repent to Allah, asking for strength to be a better person, one who is above such pettiness

I pray Allah helps us all in becoming “truthful”. In closing, I will quote one of my favorite Verses of the Quran, which reminds us that if things were easy, they wouldn’t be worth much!

Never shall you attain piety until you spend of that which you love. And whatsoever you spend, then indeed God Knows it.

LOL I am so lazy. Every time someone asks me to write something up, I figure, why waste it? I’m on a da’wah mailing list and here’s something I wrote to help someone who had a research paper due about food. (Man, if he plagiarizes it, he is so busted!)

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Introduction

In general, since Islam is a religion, the actual criteria for “halaal” (allowed) and “haraam” (prohibited) foods is the decree of God. The only things not allowed (as food) are 4 (mentioned in the Quran):

1. dead flesh (carrion)
2. blood (large amount)
3. the flesh of swine (pigs, hogs, etc.)
4. what is slaughtered ritualistically for other than God (pagan sacrifices, etc.)

Aside from that, we are not allowed to consume alcohol (although we can use it to clean/disinfect, etc.) or other intoxicants (marijuana, etc.).

Besides that, we are allowed to eat or drink anything else (special exceptions might be poison used for suicide, etc.). So you should realize that since it is religious (as opposed to scientific or socialogically based, etc.) there is not always a clear match up to those issues (they do exist but are not exclusively correlated).

Now that you have some basic information, here is a look at the factors you mentioned:

1. Physiological Factors - In general, aside from what is absolutely prohibited (above), the Quran tells Muslims to “eat what is lawful and good of the earth”. Therefore, one can see that Muslims are recommended to eat what is beneficial to their bodies and to avoid what is unhealthy.

Another point of interest might be that the Quran continually talks about God and how he provides “fruits” for us, and if you look at nutrition and what we know about fruits in particular, they are amazingly beneficial, some even able to ward of cancer and such! So to us this is a miraculous aspect of God reminding us again and again how nourishing and benficial fruits are.

Also God mentions that alchol is prohibited EVEN THOUGH there is a benefit in it (this is also mentioned in the Quran) - yet God says the benefit is overshadowed by the harm it causes. And if you look at the science on this, with all the recent talk of having a glass of wine a day, etc. and comparing it with the fact that so many social (addiction, abuse, date rape, etc.) and physical (liver, killing of brain cells, etc.) diseases come from it, you will see the words of the Quran are true.

Islam also encourages (and during the month of Ramadhan) mandates moderation in food. Not only is this good for the body, it gives a person self-control over their body (rather than having the body control you). The Prophetic “Sunnah”, or practice, was to fill 1/3 of the stomach with food, 1/3 with water, and leave 1/3 for it to “breathe”. So balance is key.

2. Psychological Factors - Again, since Islam is religious guidance, there is heavy (probably heavier than physical) emphasis on the internal states of one eating or drinking. When a Muslim eats or drinks, they experience the following mental states:

a. practicality (in that they do not see food as the purpose of life but rather that it is a means to keep the mind and heart going)
b. gratitude (in that they are grateful to God that they have the food)
c. compassion (the experience of fasting helps relate to the Muslim the pain of hunger and deprivation of food)
d. spirituality (the person eats what God allows, remembering God before eating and thanking God afterwards)
e. discipline (in that the person does not exceed the bounds of moderation and also in not becoming too attached to the material indulgence of food)

3. Economic Factors - I am not too sure what you mean by this, but here is some info: in Islam, a person should earn their own money and of course they cannot steal it etc. In addition, a Muslim cannot conduct dishonest or unfair business practices (ex: cheating in weights and measures or tricking someone in their dealings). Islam also protects the rights of all involved, including workers - the Prophet, peace be upon him, instructed us that we should pay the worker “before the sweat on his body dries”. On top of all that, Muslims are mandated to give 1/40th of their excess wealth to the poor - this is not optional, but the “right” of the poor (the “poor-due”). Of course, charity itself is highly encouraged in Islam and the Quran repeatedly mentions “feeding the hungry” in specific. All of this combines to ensure a just society where everyone’s needs are met and one segment does not oppress or exploit the other.

4. Social Factors - Again I am not sure exactly what you are looking for but I will try my best - Islam is a social religion. Eating with the family, with friends, neighbors, etc. is very important. The Prophet said that he is not a believer who goes to bed full while his neighbor is hungry. He also taught us the mannerisms of eating communally (when eating together). In addition, many of the rituals and celebrations of Islam include feeding people (ex: the marriage and birth ceremonies). There are also prayers to make asking God to “feed the one who fed me and give drink to the one who gave drink to me”. All in all, the social aspect of food in Islam enjoins the Muslim not to be selfish.

Me and my husband have noticed that people who are attached to the Quran tend to be a special breed. They tend to be a bit broader in their thinking, less likely to be part of partisan strife, more open to Muslim brotherhood, etc. To sum it up, it seems they are more elevated, and perhaps this is because they are attached to the most elevated of texts, the Revelation. Alhamdulillaah, my mother has been very devoted to the Quran and I remember some years back she had a dream that people were putting the Quran in mud and trampling it, and she picked it up (may Allah grant her this honor). Some of the brothers we come across in Da’wah that are companions of the Book also never cease to amaze us - they are selfless and zealous when it comes to working for it or making it available to others.

But mostly, they just tend to have better manners - they are not the hotheads, they are the more quiet and humble, the more generous in working for others, etc. And this is not surprising when you realize that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam mentioned he has come “to perfect the manners” and that his character was described by ‘Aishah as “the walking Quran”.

Which brings me to the subject of the Quran in relation to knowledge. One of the names of the Quran is “Adh-Dhikr”, or “The Rememberance”. As such, people attached to the Quran also tend to be more spiritual, more contemplative, while those who more heavily read fiqh or other subjects tend to be more legalistic in nature.

It is best to have a balance of course, for the Quran and Sunnah complement one another - the general and the specific, the text and its implementation, etc. I do believe there is a wisdom in Allah’s injunction to ask those of knowledge:

“So ask of those who know (Adh-Dhikr) the Scripture, if you know not. ”

Unfortunately, in our time today, the Quran is almost an afterthought when it comes to circles of knowledge. It is almost seen as too vague to be of much use in being (or appearing) “learned”. Being “knowledgable” is more noticable if you can quote lots of fataawaa, if you read lots of books or refutations, etc. Many of those most adamantly engaged in partisan rivalry are not necessarily that knowledgable of the first source for Islam, the Quran.

And this is sad, for the Quran is, as it describes itself, among other things, “light”, “guidance”, “mercy”, etc. So if these things are missing from our lives, how knowledgable can we really be about Islam? The Quranic sciences are also seemingly less appealing to students of knowledge. Most would rather go into “exciting” fields such as fiqh, ‘aqeedah, usool, etc. because that’s where all the real action is in our time today. But I also think that mentality is part of the problem.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not seek knowledge to compete with the scholars, nor to argue with the ignorant, nor to gain control of gatherings, for whoever does that: the Fire, the Fire!”

This hadith is a warning to purify our intentions, but it seems in our time, with the hostility and rivalry between groups so high, people will undoubtedly fall into trying to “score one” for their side. Yet, again, the Quran, the root of all Islamic knowledge, is often a footnote in the circles of knowledge. Once in a while, you do see a scholar who goes on to specialize in Quran and it is heartening. Inshallah, more and more people will go back to this Book, which is not just an academic text, but a source of light (in that it is actually an act of worship to read from it), the most eloquent of speech (and this should appeal to all who are inclined towards the written word), and the primary source (which should be memorized by anyone legally inclined). Returning to the Quran is the first step in the life of all individual Muslims, and giving it at least equal weight to any other texts in Islamic scholarship will make for a more balanced Ummah. As it is said, we need to “go back to our roots” and we need to not be so fixated on the trees that we cannot see the forest.

And lastly, how can we forget that the Quran is the only way (like previous revelations) that God Almighty speaks to mankind directly (saving the Prophets), and that is His Speech? This in itself makes study of the Quran, and all its beautiful sciences: the art of recitation, its various readings, even its calligraphy, an appealing accomplishment for any who desire its honor. May Allah grant us the status of being one of the “People of the Book”.

A friend of mine, who was Indian and had studied yoga and nutrition, once told me that coffee is a substance that provides a false “boost” of energy. Yet it is not actual energy, the kind you can get from fruits and vegetables, etc. so that after the initial boost, you actually end up feeling more sluggish and void of energy. If you think about it, every single thing which is not good for you behaves pretty much the same way. This doesn’t just apply to foods but to feelings as well. If you take drugs, you feel good for a while, but at a cost, which you most certainly feel afterwards (the “letdown”).

This is also true of the false drugs of music and television that many of us indulge in, trying to escape the harsh realities of life (stress, problems, etc.) or simply because the utterly stark nakedness of an unadorned life is something we are not used to, nor prepared to handle. In other words, a “dream world” is why many of us will sit through even the most ridiculous, mundane, offensive, sinful materials - just because we have nothing better to do. Yet, this dreaminess will betray you. If the media drugs do not teach you or cause you to reflect and come closer to Allah (and rarely do they do) then you will simply make yourself even more emotionally crippled, the effects of which you will feel later. You will be lazier and less ready to face what you need to face in life.

Just as you can get real energy from natural fruit and the good things of the earth, you can get real relaxation and contentment only with what is natural and good. Buddhists (among others) spend a lifetime contemplating “nothingness” and clearing their mind from material things. Cluttering your mind with junk, even if temporarily effective, will only give you a false “high” or sense of peace (which in reality is avoidance of our own selves). However, if you remember Allah and meditate upon Him, this is the “real thing” and is the only thing which is truly effective to give you a peaceful life. Submitting to Allah, this is “Islam” and this is peace.

This is why Allah defines the Believers as:

“those who believe and whose hearts find tranquility in the remembrance of Allah”, and goes on to say that “Verily, it is in the remembrance of Allah that hearts do find rest.”

This is something agreed upon by the Ummah, and yet you often see the youth, who I feel need tranquility and peace in their lives the most, neglect this, while the elders are the ones who take to it. And yet it is a severe downfall for all of us. How are we as an Ummah to live in a time where there is such social and emotional corruption and emptiness and not be afflicted with it? I admit I am one who is severely afflicted, as are many of my generation. How are we to transcend this worldly life when we are so caught up in it?

So make sure you do this - it is your salvation in this modern world and a cure for everything but death. I don’t care how you do it - if you have to become “Sufi” to do it, do it. Yes, it’s all there in the Sunnah, yet what is preventing so many from doing it (and I don’t just mean where the salaat is counted as “dhikr” and seeking knowledge is counted as “‘ebaadah” or the small, perfunctory dhikr after prayers, etc.) - actual contemplation and reflection. If you have to join a tariqah, make bai’ah to a shaikh, or whirl in circles, force yourself to do it somehow. For the sad fact remains many who have knowledge (a debatable term if it is not applied) live lives filled with anger, negativity, and darkness, while dhikr is the light of the heart. In other words, if you find you can’t consistently do it on your own, get help.

For all those who aspire to survive the terrible time we live in and to elevate themselves in their religion, make time for this. Sit quietly somewhere, alone, and connect with Allah (and no, watching TV or blabbing at a social event while doing the rounds on a masbahah won’t cut it either).

JUST DO IT - it will save your life, and is in reality the only thing worth saving in life, for everything in this world is cursed besides the remembrance of God.

The irony is that while the modern world rails against “organized religion”, they haven’t come up with anything better. We’ve all seen the “bliss” of utter freedom and following your desires - your desires simply get out of control and you no longer have control over yourself. This is a destructive path (I’ve been on it too and God help me stay off) and only leads to that “emptiness” that all the artists keep talking about - and killing themselves over.

If you are tired of feeling tired, scared of feeling scared, and sad about being sad, cleanse your insides and fill your soul with light, as Allah says:

[Indeed those who are the Believers (the Muslims), and those who were the Jews (those who had followed Moses) and the Christians (those who had followed Jesus) and the Sabians (those who had worshipped God between the Prophets), whosoever believes in God and the Last Day and does righteous deeds, for them their reward is with their Lord and],

promising that those who have Faith and work righteousness:

“no fear shall be upon them, nor shall they grieve.”

It’s amazing, but it’s been 10 YEARS since I have “sought knowledge”. I never stopped taking the odd class or attending lectures etc. but I mean study systematically as I did when I was about 20 years old. I learned basic Arabic with some grammar as well as tajweed and memorized some of the Quran. It’s funny, but I am now right back at the beginning. My intention in this first phase is to finish memorizing the Quran (seeking ijaazah) and mastery of Arabic.

Now, being in a Muslim country you would think seeking formalized knowledge is easy. Well, yes and no. In some ways it is sad that many scholars do not necessarily sit and train students from the ground up. You might find someone knowledgable but too busy to teach unfortunately, or if they teach then they give a few scant classes. I asked both my Jordanian neighbors and around Kharabsheh (Shaikh Nuh’s camp of students). From the Jordanians what I found was that many of them had no idea there were amazing centers of learning set up right next to them! And from the mostly foreign residents of Kharabsheh they seemed to only know a small circle of options and nothing else.

One sister I spoke to mentioned how sometimes she would hear of a halaqa and ask about it but was told the person was not allowed to tell her! Unfortunately, there are some exclusionary elements in the circles of knowledge. If you don’t know the right people or follow the right lines of thought or have a lot of money, it can be hard to know where to even begin looking to systematically learn (I’m not talking about classes or halaqaat, but actual formalized training). It’s not IMPOSSIBLE, but just a lot harder.

One thing that increasingly gets in the way is “alliance”. The Salafi/Sufi (or Traditional) schism can get annoying having to explain to people that you are fine taking real knowledge from any source. It’s not impossible, again, but is a minor annoyance you will just have to put aside - if you are not like all your classmates or the community you are trying to learn from, just try to face forward and don’t let it stop you from gaining beneficial knowledge.

The other factor is the “secret halaqa” mentality - where knowledge is precious and locked away in a club surrounded by self-righteous bouncers. I know of one brother who knew a Shaikh for about 2 years personally before he sort of hounded him to teach him. Well, what of the rest of us (especially if you’re a girl?). Anyway, Allah makes a way for anyone if they try hard enough and you may end up with something better than you imagined.

The most obvious factor sadly can be simple finances. Right now my husband and I simply don’t have the funds to enroll in JU (Jordan University) or Qasid, which is a school which was started by some of Shaikh Nuh’s students for learning Arabic. The school is excellent, but expensive. I am happy to say the administration was most welcoming and was willing to work something out with us - however, it was not overall an appealing choice since it would involve either working (I have little time with my children, studying, housework, writing, etc.) or being in debt etc. I wanted something that was a better choice for me personally.

Alhamdulillaah, after some searching I have a pretty nice setup. For Quran, there are a series of centers all over Amman (maybe Jordan) called “Jamee’atu ‘alaa Muhaafidhatil Quraanil Kareem” - a very active brother from Houston (the father of one of my students at the Islamic school) when he learned I was going to Jordan gave me the number of the director, but unfortunately I lost it lol. Regardless, what is so great is that these centers are all over - and the “Lajnannisaa`” is soooo close to my house! The cost is an astounding 3 JD’s per month per class. Compared to some of the posts I saw at the zawiya (place of spiritual retreat) where some women charge about 30 per month! Subhanallaah. This particular institution of women has a beautiful name called ‘Ebaadur Rahmaan. I am very happy with my teachers - the one who teaches tajweed is an older woman, with impressive knowledge of all the recitations and perfect tajweed. The one teaching hifdh (I am not very happy with the actual class for hifdh, as it is rather slow and some of the women in the class talk a lot etc.) - but the teacher herself is amazing. She is about my own age, and blind. She doesn’t hold a mushaf of course and how she remembers all the names of all the women in the class I don’t know. Her manners are also very impressive - my first day she came over to me just to give me a hug - and she constantly makes du’aa for everyone and is always smiling. The funny thing is the Director of the school practically apologized for charging anything but said they had to charge a small fee to keep the center going! May Allah reward these amazing people who are making it possible for the average person to go and learn the Quran.

As for Arabic, I found it was much cheaper to get our friend/neighbor (who tutored our children before) to tutor me in Arabic. Alhamdulillaah, he is well educated, has excellent grammar, is religious, and is available! Plus I attend Shaikh ‘Ali Hani’s classes in the zawiya. Those are for free. :) Shaikh ‘Ali is an amazing person, an expert in Arabic grammar. He astounds me subhanallaah. Umm Sahl (Shaikh Nuh’s wife) takes the Balaaghah class and I believe Shaikh Nuh learned from him as well. Inshallah, with this package, I should be able to get somewhere in Arabic bi ithnillaah.

So there you have it - good classes from good people for very little money. All this has prompted me to make a sort of resolution to myself that if I do learn, I will not stop teaching, and for free inshallah.

When I decided to start seriously studying, I walked and walked and walked, sometimes in circles, one day for hours (literally). And alhamdulillaah, Allah provided me with these places all walking distance from my house and for very litte money (I also plan to sit in on the Sufism classes by Shaikh Nuh, just for an introduction - nothing serious yet). There is even a hadith school about 2 minutes from my house! They have a library of ahadith and some manuscripts there and the students memorize Bukhari and Muslim (that may come later inshallah). Our neighbor didn’t even know it was there and it was just if you look from a different angle you can see it right in front of you. The funny thing is, the way to all my classes is uphill and hard going there, but downhill and smooth coming back. But at least it’s a start.

Now that we’re at ‘Eid ul Adha, I was just thinking about when I was at Hajj on Yawm ul ‘Arafah. It was very, very hot that day and the sun was fierce. I spent all day on Jabal ur-Rahma, finding a morsel of shade underneath a large rock. I had a water bottle with me and I went to take a drink, but the day was so hot that the water had pretty much evaporated/steamed and then condensed on the neck of the bottle in little droplets. So when I went to take a sip of water, instead of cool relief, I felt like crying out of frustration at how horribly warm the water was. It was barely any relief at all. It was the first time I could deeply reflect on the aayah in the Quran which says that in the Hellfire, the Kaafiroon and the Faasiqoon will be given boiling water to drink. Often when we read the Quran, we just pass over these aayaat with a cursory thought, not truly stopping to reflect on what is being said. It is only when life throws an experience at you that you can fully say, “Subhaanallaah, this is like what is mentioned!” I of course, did not experience Hell yet, and the example of the warm water I had is almost a laughable example. Yet, it brought me a little closer to the reality of That Day. May Allaah save us from the tortures of the Hellfire.

Truly, Hell is a place of ambush.
A dwelling place for the Transgressors.
They shall abide therein for ages.
Not a thing cool shall they taste therein, nor any drink.
Save boiling water and pus.
A fitting recompense.
For verily, they expected not a reckoning.