when you’re in kindergarten, and you get “1+1=2″ correct, your teacher pats you on the head and exclaims, “good job!”

now you could defend a brilliant phd proposal and no one cares

many years ago, when i discovered the prayer of istekhaarah, it was amazing - jumping out of a plane with no parachute, certain god will catch you - and every time i did it, despite what the whole world said, how much they cautioned or augured ill for me, i witnessed miracles

i still pray istekhaarah, more even than i used to before, almost at ridiculously small steps i take in my life (due to fear, sorrow, and uncertainty)

and the miracles have stopped

but i still believe in it - in fact, moreso

i’m not in kindergarten anymore

sigh, just when life seems better, you get a glimpse of the adult world again, and how people are - adults are really disgusting people - cheap and low, no loyalty, no sense of shame, grabbing whatever they can get, backstabbing, betraying, hypocritical, 2-faced, and well, just gross

i dont think i will ever grow up at this rate - i just dont want to become on of them

all i want to do is watch tom and jerry, read nursery rhymes (lol i literally crawl into bed and read nursery rhymes and other children’s books - nice, clean, and innocent), go to the park, and well, never be an adult!

back into my shell and away from this scary, filthy world…