Again, from the da’wah list: a person was convinced of the doctrine of monotheism, but unsure of the prophethood of Muhammad (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam). Here were some brief points I made:

1. Before he was given the Prophethood, Muhammad’s title given to him by his community was “Al-Ameen”, “The Trustworthy”. No one had ever known him to tell a lie. This shows his character before Islam.

2. When he received the Revelation, the Makkans, who had degenerated into paganism, did not know what to make of the Quran or his message. Some said he was insane, some that he was a magician, some that he was a poet. The fact was, what he brought was so unusual - and the Arabs at that time were famous for their oratory and eloquence. However, the people were undecided about which of these labels actually fit because not one of them fit him completely.

3. The Prophet’s message was: worship God alone. As it says in the Quran, it is not possible for a Prophet to come and say “Worship me”. Many of the false prophets you hear of simply end up calling people to elevate them until they try to claim godhood for themselves. The fact that Muhammad called for an end to polytheism and insisted on monotheism is in line with the message of all previous Prophets.

4. The Prophet risked his own life in battles against the polytheists, he lived an incredibly simple life, to the point that his Companions would often see that he had lines on his skin from sleeping on a straw mat or tie a stone on his stomach to ward off hunger pains or have his feet swell from the hours he stood in prayer. This is a sign of his sincerity.

5. In general, nowadays the character of the Prophet is severely attacked and this is quite natural for their are people who believe in other religions who don’t want people to be Muslim or see Islam spread (although it is the fastest growing religion in America and the world). Most of these attacks are culturally biased, such as that he had many wives, etc. To try to be more objective, simply reflect on the fact that the Makkans, who were at war with him and would have loved to destroy him, did not bring these petty ethnocentric complaints against him. That is because they shared a common culture and indeed much of the world (including the culture of the Old Testament, etc.) contained the very practices that people are feeling morally outraged over now. An honest person should not stoop to this level of egocentrism or hypocrisy in their evaluations.

6. To summarize, Muhammad is not someone one can clearly dismiss. To dismiss him, people use the belief that “He was a liar”. This is contradicted by obvious signs of his putting his own life and property on the line for the cause in which he clearly believed. So they end up saying, “Perhaps he was truthful that he believed he was a Prophet, yet he was deluded.” Again, there are many examples that would contradict this analysis - he was known to be clear and level-headed. The thing is, it is logical incoherency to claim he was both, yet people conveniently use one excuse to dismiss some of his actions and the other to dismiss other actions. Yet one cannot be both a liar (a deliberate fraud) and a deluded person (in the same issue) at the same time.

Obviously, these few points do not cover the whole scope of information on Muhammad peace be upon him, so feel free to search. But in the end, you should know that since this is a RELIGIOUS matter, it is most definitely a matter of faith and not an absolute science.  So it is left to your heart and its guidance, which is between you and God. As I am fond of saying, “The jury is always out” on some questions in life, and we must try our best to come to a decision so that we can begin living by it.

“Sadaqah”, the Islamic term for “charity” (this is different from “zakaat”, the “poor-due” which is mandatory), is derived from the root “sidq”, which means “truthfulness”. This is interesting, because it sheds light on the fact that human beings are inherently materialistic and the act of giving is a test of one’s veracity, one’s sincerity to God. I don’t know if this has happened to a lot of you out there, but I was going over some of the things I have given away and was surprised to see a sort of pattern emerge. It turns out that if I gave away “small” things, things that barely required time, effort, money, energy, or resources, things were fine. But the few times I have given away major things (either by way of money or time) to help other people or causes, those were the times when I was actually faced with some tests related to them. Mostly they had to do with bad reception, ingratitude, or ill-treatment by the very people who were the recipients (either for themselves or on behalf of other causes/organizations etc.). Not to say that bad behavior on their part is justified (”Whoever does not thank the people do not thank Allah”), but it dawned on me that what had started with a good intention (to help others or a cause for the sake of Allah) had ended up being a question mark. It was as if after the fact, Allah asked, “Did you really do that for My Sake? Let’s see!” And sad to say, I didn’t always feel or act the way I should have - I did get hurt or shocked etc. when in reality, none of that should have ever mattered.

Actually, Suratul Baqarah has entire passages devoted to this phenomenon and the following is just a PORTION of the whole section on the topic. However, I wanted to focus on a particularly beautiful analogy Allah gives:

“The likeness of those who spend their wealth in the Way of God is as the likeness of a grain of corn; it grows seven ears, and each ear has a hundred grains. Thus God gives manifold increase to whom He pleases. And Allah is Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knower.”

So first of all, a person who spends for the Sake of Allah actually only gives something very small - a grain or a seed. It is Allah who blesses it and brings from it good.

“Those who spend their wealth in the Cause of God, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury, their reward is with their Lord. On them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.”

Notice how Allah mentions the trap right here - that we might feel proud of what we gave or feel others owe us. So He qualifies the statement, saying the ones who receive bliss are only those who do not have any reservations about what they gave. And if you think about it, if you have experienced this feeling or seen it in others (lol things always look worse on others, don’t they) then you know that situation is anything but tranquil - rather the person who gives with reminders and injury feels uneasy or even regretful at the outcome.

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than charity followed by injury. And Allah is Free of Want and He is Most-Forbearing.”

So Allah reminds you of that which is better - that even a few kind words or overlooking the faults of others is better than that “great” act of charity you did which did not lead to contentment in your heart. You may as well have saved your money or time! And lastly, see how Allah points out that He is “Ghaniyy” - “Rich” is a common translation, but “Free of Want” is closer to the absolute independence Allah has from anything you might give “for” or “to” Him. In reality, if you help Allah’s Cause, you are helping yourself.

“O you who believe! Do not render in vain your charity by reminders of your generosity or by injury, like him who spends his wealth to be seen of men, and he does not believe in God, nor in the Last Day. His likeness is the likeness of a smooth rock on which is a little dust; on it falls heavy rain which leaves it bare. They are not able to do anything with what they have earned. And God does not guide the disbelieving people.”

In this Verse Allah warns you not to cancel out what you give and debases the low character of those who only give to gain fame or good repute. The likeness (and if you haven’t noticed all the analogies to giving tied to planting seeds, growth, multiplying, etc.) of one who does so is like a rock - the foundation of it is not equipped to bear fruit. The heavy rain is like the attention and praise of the people which fell on it, yet it resulted in nothing in the long term (and of course, in the Hereafter). So after all that rain, there was still nothing produced. (Subhaanallaah! I am amazed at the beautiful analogies Allah puts forth in the Quran - they are so perfect!) And finally he mentions “disbelieving” people. It is interesting to note that the word “kufr”, which means “disbelief” or more accurately “rejection of the Truth”, is in fact related to ingratitude! And here, the gratitude comes again from the realization that it is Allah who blesses something and the act we put forth is hardly anything.

“And the likeness of those who spend their wealth seeking God’s Pleasure while they in their ownselves are sure and certain that God will reward them, is the likeness of a garden on a height; heavy rain falls on it and it doubles its yield of harvest. And if it does not receive heavy rain, light rain suffices it. And God is All-Seer of what you do.”

And now the opposite analogy - those who spend with the right intention (Allah alone), having certainty He will reward them. Why? Because as we all know, our actions are actually based on our intentions. We might want to do a great act, but physical realities may prevent it from coming true - yet we still get rewarded for the intention behind it. So a person who gives for a good cause, the minute they intend to do it (and intention is not the lazy, wishful, delusional belief that we are all great people, but the actual effort to do it), they have already accomplished their part. After that, is up to Allah if it comes to fruition or not.

So their likeness is as a garden, an already fertile setting (the heart that is purely intentioned, which bears all good) set upon a height. The height only adds to its fertility, for it can easily receive sunlight and rain. “Heavy rain” falls on it, and again this is like the praise or love of the people. If you understood from all this that all acts of charity go unnoticed by others, that is not true. Sometimes it is recommended to give publicly (for example at a fundraiser to incite others to give as well) but generally it is not something that is actively sought, for again it can cloud the original intention. So IF heavy rain falls on such a pure heart, “it doubles its yield”, which means not only did the person have the blessing of having their charity accepted, they gave and received in return. And YET, it does not receive the “heavy rain”, the notice of the people, it suffices. So what a beautiful situation for the pure of heart! And Allah finishes by reminding you that He sees you, whether anyone else does or not.

“Would any of you wish to have a garden with date-palms and vines, with rivers flowing underneath, and all kinds of fruits for him therein, while he is striken with old age, and his children are weak, and it is struck with a fiery whirlwind, so that it is burnt? Thus does God make clear His Verses to you that you may give thought.”

And finally, Allah makes an analogy of basically what I began this paper with - the tests and trials that can strip you of your acts of charity. He asks us how we would like it if we had a lush garden, and then after a while, everything sort of deteriorates and we can’t hold onto it any more, the final result being destruction. This is a particularly powerful analogy since it serves a sort of dual purpose. Not only does it warn of the “after-effects” of charity, you know, when you are happy with what you did and think everything’s good - and then it starts becoming shady and going in a direction you didn’t anticipate. But it also serves as an analogy for life in general. How many of us have “great” lives, everything beautiful and shiny, but is spiritually devoid and only ends in the Hellfire?

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that “sadaqah” is indeed a test of truthfulness. I am not really a “materialistic” person, and never was, so I felt this would be an “easy” area. But that’s exactly when Allah tests your sincerity and asks, “Did you really do that for Me?” So I have to say it was a learning experience for me - as I did not expect it lol. If you ever experience this, here are some things that may help you salvage your acts of devotion:

- Before you give, remind yourself you are only giving for Allah, no matter what the outcome (try even to imagine the worst thing happens to you as a result - would you still give?)

- When you give, it is better to do it secretly (although allowed to do it openly) - recall the hadeeth of one of the “7″ who receive shade on the Day of Judgment, one who gave so secretly his left hand did not know what the right gave

- After you give, remember it is now with Allah and if you feel bad intentions coming in, then combat them - seek refuge from the whispers of Shaitaan, who is trying to void your deeds, keep affirming to Allah your sincerity, and if you are tested with the results of what you gave, then take active steps to come to peace with it (for example, forgive those who slight or wrong you, pray for them, etc.) but mostly keep asking for forgiveness for this weakness and repent to Allah, asking for strength to be a better person, one who is above such pettiness

I pray Allah helps us all in becoming “truthful”. In closing, I will quote one of my favorite Verses of the Quran, which reminds us that if things were easy, they wouldn’t be worth much!

Never shall you attain piety until you spend of that which you love. And whatsoever you spend, then indeed God Knows it.

One thing I live by is lists. Lists are good for everything: for your goals, your plans, your schedules. They are also good for keeping track of your own character. I keep a list of my sins and other bad qualities or habits I am trying to get rid of, plus a list of good deeds or good qualities I am trying to acquire. Now anyone who has made any lists knows that things don’t always work out the way you intend. But keeping lists keeps me sane. Even if I get hardly anything done, I make a new list and keep going (what I call “recalibration”). For some reason, I feel the need to write everything down, down to what I will cook and clean! If I don’t make my lists, I feel I haven’t started my day. Often it’s also the last thing I do before I go to bed - make a list for the week, the month, the year, the lifetime - for the coming day. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a writer, but lists rule my world and I feel useless without them. I guess I feel if I’m not planning on doing anything with my life (education, career, worship, etc.) then I’m just wasting my time and my existence. So it’s a continual sort of mental process which gets played out on paper (I prefer notepad on my laptop). In fact, sometimes when I’m overwhelmed with a mental problem I like to sit down, pull up notepad and write out the solution, using logic for theoretical problems or golden rules of character for emotional or life problems. It’s very empowering and I feel very anchored with my obsessive jotting. I am just mad about lists!

     Being a student of knowledge is undoubtedly a meritorious endeavor. That is, if you do it for the right reasons. As I mentioned elsewhere, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam forbade us from earning knowledge for the sake of argumentation and other ignoble reasons. Alhamdulillaah, the Ummah has enough students of knowledge - we see more every day. Yet how many are students of Islam? That is to say how many are willing to accept the Truth from the Quran, the Sunnah, the Sahaabiyaat, and the classical scholars without having a pre-conceived notion?

     Yet I can hardly blame the students of knowledge who were immediately told, upon signing for the job, "Republican or Democrat? Chicken or Beef? Salafi or Sufi?" The fact is one can hardly study in any religious institution that is not already aligned with a methodology and an approach to Islam. And while that may be useful in learning one of the schools of thought on Islam, it is up to the "Independent" to take from various sources to get a more holistic view of Islam.

       I know the Truth can be a scary thing. This is not only true of atheists, Jews and Christians, and "others" whom we ask to be fair and unbiased, but applies to us as well. For most of us have notions we were raised with, that our parents or society taught us, that we instinctively felt, and when those notions are challenged, it takes some strength not to as the Quran describes it, be "averse". So how can we ask others to give up their whole lives, everything they knew and held dear, if we are not ready to do the same?

     The person who sincerely seeks the Truth, "no fear shall be upon them, nor shall they grieve". For if you find you are mistaken, you will be happy to correct yourself and align yourself with the Truth, and if you find you are correct, you will be happy to have even greater conviction and firmer resolve. But this is not an easy state to achieve. Most people simply cannot let go and are fooling themselves when they fancy themselves independent. This does not in any way mean you may not have beliefs, just that you are willing to give them up for things which may be frightening or unpleasant, simply because you can admit the Truth.

     Another issue is that of "guidance". There is a lot of worry that perhaps you will be "misguided" if you are "open" - but how do you know that you are guided in the first place? Because someone told you? The only way is to be sincere towards Allah and let Him guide you - to not reject the Truth when it becomes available to you.  For if you have no pre-conceived notion, it will not harm you. If the Truth supports this, you go towards this, and if the Truth supports that, you go towards that. Although guidance is an important issue, the WAY most people have of "ensuring" guidance is simple - do not listen to the others who are "misguided". So how would a Christian, who is also of course keen on not being "misguided" by a bunch of devilish, barbaric polytheists (Muslims) ever come to Islam? How would an atheist abandon his supposed objective, scientific reality for "religious delusion"? The fact is, Islam IS the Truth and ENCOMPASSES the Truth, all of it, and a KNOWLEDGABLE Muslim fears to go nowhere.

     This leads to another unfortunate issue - that of suppressing knowledge. In the Quran, Allah makes numerous entreaties to the People of the Book (Jews and Christians, the recipients of previous revelations) to not hide the Truth (the coming of Muhammad, the revelation of God, etc.). Yet how often we see Muslims following in their footsteps - they hide some information that would take away from what they want others to believe, all in the name of "saving others". Yet as the Quran mentions of those who think they are making sure others are "guided" (and by guided they mean think the way they do) or fooling Allah and the Believers, they only fool themselves. Why not admit the Truth and what Truth from Islam are we afraid of anyway?

     Which brings me to the central point of this paper - a case study of how far things have become polarized amongst the Muslims. Aside from the laypeople, who by in large, try their best to fulfill their worship to God, most of the "knowledgable" people are the ones who have rent the Ummah in two. Perhaps they have good intentions and want to save us from ourselves and all that, but they do so by suppressing knowledge or presenting things AS IF there is ijmaa’ah (concensus) on an issue when none exist.

     Take the two "sons", Ibn ‘Arabi and Ibn Taymiyyah. Unfortunately, these two figures have become SYMBOLIC for each side, and no longer can anyone see them for what they were - but they must be aggrandized and made "sacred" because they represent two philosophies and approaches to Islam. Perhaps any of you who "do not know", meaning those who are open to information, will find the following information about them interesting (I make no claim to interest those who "know" for most likely they do not see information as information, but merely as ammunition or scandal).

     Ibn Taymiyyah, rahimahullaah

     Ibn Taymiyyah (1263 - 1328) was a great Hanbali scholar and considered "Shaykh ul Islaam" due to his immense knowledge. I have seen some people downplay his knowledge or impact, but no doubt, these people are not just in their assessment. I don’t think anyone can doubt his knowledge or his impact on religious matters. Nevertheless, he did diverge from the Hanbali school and was censured and even imprisoned for some of his beliefs and fataawaa, some of which were heavily refuted or flatly contradicted by other ‘ulemaa` of his time.

     However, the REAL issue with Ibn Taymiyyah is not if he was right or wrong, but the fact that he is the "founder" of the "Salafi da’wah". Salafis, of course claim there is no founder except the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam himself, and  I am sure are sincere in this belief. But the fact remains that Ibn Taymiyyah came with opinions not previously held and did have a very dominant personality and had a vigorous and coherent methodology. This is not a problem for him, but rather, the problem is that nowadays, Ibn Taymiyyah is untouchable to Salafis. I have seen many instances where the IDEA that he made a mistake (in fiqh or ‘aqeedah, etc.) is dismissed outright. IF there is any hint of a refutation or rebuke, even from his own students, it is dismissed as fabrication or other (as one site labeled them) "plausible" explanations. (Uh, "plausible" is not the same as "probable" or even "true".) 

     Perhaps Ibn Taymiyyah had great ideas and principles for Islam - yet the status and position he receives in the current da’wah is a little extreme. Many who defend him have not in reality read some of his own statements which would raise some eyebrows in relation to issues of ‘aqeedah, shirk, or kufr. Yet the public must be guarded against those statements because he is no longer a scholar - but a symbol. May Allah have mercy on him - until now I consider Ibn Taymiyyah as very dear to my heart. And I do consider him one of the greatest scholars, beginning with the Tabi’een on down, but I do not delude myself into thinking he was the only one or whom all of Islam must originate from.

     I must say I purposely did not reprint the negative things I have read about Ibn Taymiyyah because I personally believe some of his statements are misunderstood, while some of the statements are vehemently attacked as "baseless" while I have some doubt if indeed they were. Once you see people who can not admit the truth of statements that go against their beliefs, their testimony becomes unreliable. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if after publication of this almost NOTHING about Ibn Taymiyyah, "it" will have to be "refuted" and the symbol will have to be hotly defended, for the very da’wah of "true" Islam depends on this legend. Why publish another book of Seerah when you can study the life of this great scholar and founder of an entire movement? So I leave that to anyone who cares to research it for himself/herself. Why? NOT to indulge in the negative points of ANY of the scholars, but merely to see that things are not always what you are told…  

     Ibn ‘Arabi, rahimahullaah

     Ibn ‘Arabi (1165-1240) was born in ‘Andalus but settled in Damascus. He was known to be a great Mujtahid Imam, and followed the Dhaahiri (literalist) school of thought in Fiqh. He was also known to be a pious ascetic, Sufi mystic, and prolific writer. Aside from that, many of his statements (the same issue lol - one should note not all statements attributed to him are accepted as "authentic") came under scrutiny in his time until now.

     Again, you should know that Ibn ‘Arabi is merely "symbolic" of Sufism and even Traditionalism (I have written elsewhere that the two are not necessarily synonymous). The fact of the matter is that the scholars were divided about him. Some deeply believed he was a saint (walee), and others declared his beliefs heretical or even disbelief. What might surprise many Sufis is that these were not just "anybodys" who disagreed with him. Even some of his own teachers, even those who were masters of Tasawwuf, condemned him.

     Why is this so hard for Sufis to admit? I see countless defenses of one who was not unanimously sanctioned - because again, he is a legendary figure. It would be better if the people were just and said that the people disagreed about him - while keeping his contributions. Yet, Ibn ‘Arabi, being a symbolic figure, is heavily attacked by Salafis, most of whom do not understand any of his writings and could not be just to him to save their lives (of course, when attacking someone, you need not verify sources), and also fanatically defended by Sufis. It’s as if the Salafis are saying "Sufism, you mean, like Ibn ‘Arabi?!", seeking to cite an "extreme" example of spirituality gone awry as a kind of blanket refutation of something which also cannot be given just estimate (ie Sufism). And the Sufis of course must rush to his defense, seeking to erase any blemish on the legendary figure.

     The sad thing is this is so extreme it’s almost shocking - I wrote an article a few weeks back MENTIONING Ibn ‘Arabi and in fact what I said about him was you could say, something a Salafi could take as a "point" for their side - yet it did not stop a Salafi brother from writing an entire "refutation" of Ibn ‘Arabi based on nothing! (Should I be flattered that my MENTIONING someone is enough to illicit a clarification?) And this grew, with another brother calling me and saying, "You like Ibn ‘Arabi, the one who said such and such…"?! So you see, :) at no point will either of these political parties let an incident go by that they don’t have to make sure that everyone knows exactly what to think about the "Sons of War". We are supposed to be Ahl us Sunnah - but now add to that Ahl Ibn Taymiyyah or Ahl Ibn ‘Arabiyy too? I challenge you - simply ask a group of people what they think of either of these "decisive" figures - and I dare you to get a "mixed" answer. The responses have been programmed very well depending on who you are. May Allah save us from the traps of Shaitaan, fixated on useless issues and dividing our Ummah further.             

     So why do we do it? Because da’wah is now politics, and instead of discussing ISSUES, we discuss PERSONALITIES. And of course, trust - who do you trust? Why the guy with the big grin and the easy answers, who says, "Vote for this guy - he’s your ticket to salvation! And here’s all the dirt on the other guy!"

     Things have gone too far and I pray that this "violence" stops. Ibn Taymiyyah rahimahullaah was one of the greatest scholars of Islam, a brilliant writer, and not the founder of Islam. Ibn ‘Arabi was a great scholar, known for personal devotion, and also not the founder of Islam. What these men brought of Truth, take it, and what they erred on, may Allah forgive them. If they were wrong on any matter, what harm can it do to Islam? For Islam is above that and these tribalistic alliances should end. You will not be asked in the grave your opinion of either of these.

     Perhaps the best answer I have seen was the one given by Imam An-Nawawi, rahimahullaahu ta’aalaa, when asked about Ibn ‘Arabi:

That was a nation who has passed away. They shall receive the reward of what they earned, and you of what you earn. And you will not be asked of what they used to do.

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would…
Let it go

Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I’d lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

To let it go
And so to fade away
To let it go
And so fade away

Wide awake
Wide awake
Wide awake
I’m not sleeping

If you should ask then maybe they’d
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in bloodshot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go…

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation…
Let it go

And so fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
To let it go
And so to fade away

Wide awake
Wide awake
Wide awake
I’m not sleeping
Oh no, no…

- U2

Physical abuse, despite what society often presents to us, is quite common in many marriages. There are many reasons for this - first of all, men and women are different and they have different needs. Not only that, they have different ways of trying to fulfill those needs. Also men by their nature tend to be violent. And although I personally think emotional abuse is worse, this piece will only address the physical.

First of all, it is irritating when people who have never dealt with abuse talk about it - what you’re not supposed to tolerate etc. because they are living in an idealistic world. That’s why their absolute dicta about what level of respect or dignity is mandatory for all times and places is basically religion without the divine inspiration. The fact is, physical abuse comes from a myriad of reasons and requires a myriad of choices to remedy it.

The Man’s Side

From the angle of men, you should understand that most men are simply not that emotionally honest. Not only will they not tell a woman what is bothering them, they may not even understand themselves what is bothering them - they just know they are bothered and want to be left alone. And this is one of the roots of the abuse - obviously the woman is not a mind reader, so is completely unnerved by the fact that the man is all of a sudden or “for no reason” behaving in such a cold or hateful manner. And if she persists in asking what the problem is or why he is behaving this way, then woe is her. By the way, most women nowadays will fight back of course, but come on, it’s no contest.

So I think men should take responsibility for this - if you are not honest when something bothers you, you cannot expect others to understand. And while it’s ok if you don’t want to tell a woman what is bothering you (either because you see this as a weakness when you admit your own weaknesses, or because you just don’t know), then you should have the courtesy to say that you don’t want to be bothered for a while. Many men cannot even summon up this level of politeness, which perhaps they see as too effeminate - but I don’t think it’s effeminate but rather is honest and dignified - and so the cycle begins. The stress, pressure, and other issues men deal with just leads to a volatile situation and violence.

The issue of violence in marriage from Islam is often misunderstood. What you should realize is that Islam is not a personal philosophy, and therefore doesn’t take the side of the woman or the side of the man. It is simply a divine blueprint on how to deal with universal issues, and is therefore balanced. It says in the Quran that if a woman is bothering you, the first thing you should do is enjoin her. In other words, what I’m proposing - that indeed you should be honest that there is a problem. Secondly, if she is still bothering you, you should boycott her in bed. This means you have already admonished your woman, telling her up front what the problem is and she is persistent in bothering you. So you simply stay away from her for a while, and cutting off physical relations is effective not only because the woman feels on a physical level (no hugging and kissing and other things which women tend to interpret as intimacy) how upset you are. And for the men, frankly, many of them think they can “have their cake and eat it too” - they continue sleeping with the woman or using her for sex while being upset with her - and this only leads to more confusion and problems. So the third step is to hit her - again, this is after you have honestly told her that she is behaving badly towards you and you have boycotted her and she persists in bothering you. Unfortunately, sometimes this is actually effective on women, no matter how much the modern world tells you that men and women are the same - the sheer emotional aspect that women have (if men tend to be closed, women tend to be too open sometimes) can lead to “hysteria” (a word which interestingly has roots related to femininity) and words are simply not enough. Not only that, the man is seen as well, “a man” in the sense one might say “be a man”, meaning to be responsible and strong etc. Indeed the man is responsible for his family’s welfare and with this responsibility comes respect.

So is this a license for all out physical abuse? Of course not - some say what is allowed is to hit with a toothstick (a small twig used to clean the teeth), but to be honest, most of the men who hit lol they aren’t carrying toothsticks - more likely a TV remote or worse yet, alcohol. I haven’t thoroughly researched that limit (meaning if it’s absolute or not) but I’m just speaking practically here - a Muslim is not allowed to harm other Muslims, and yes, your wife is still a Muslim. So the ones who are breaking bones and seriously hurting a woman, no doubt this is not allowed. Not only that, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam forbade hitting even animals on the face - for they have dignity too, so how much more your wife. And of course, when the Prophet heard that some of the men were beating their wives, he said that those who did so were not the best of people, neither outlawing it in totality, but also indicating that of course this is barbaric and lowly behavior - one who uses fists doesn’t know how to get the job done through communication. Ultimately the “beating” is to calm someone down and is more instructive than a guy just losing his cool and going on a rampage. After the 3 steps, it says that if the woman is not bothering you, you should desist and seek no means against her. Again, it’s not that you are a rage-a-holic who lets fly and feeds your rage and continues on, but there is a problem which you handle in the right way. So men should take heart - for Islam gives you dignity, but does ask that you are strong and not weak. There is a way for everything, even in establishing your male dominance and your respect in your household, and as long as you stick to those limits, the modern world which castrates and bashes men cannot take away your manhood, nor can you give yourself license to degenerate into an unjust oppressor and become trash.

The Woman’s Side

I remember when I was growing up I’d see a talk show where a woman was sitting there crying about how bad a man was to her and the audience members would either berate the woman, wondering what was wrong with her for being such a victim, or giving her some false ego boosts, saying that she was so great and had to drop that loser, etc. And the woman would always tearfully say, “But I love him!” and I remember how much that would make me groan and roll my eyes. The thing is lol, a lot of us women end up in that “white trash” situation we never thought we’d be in. The thing is, love is having a hope in someone and believing in them. And it’s too good to let go after one incident or even several. We keep that hope - that things will change, things will get better if only we are patient, etc. But mostly we are so love-starved that we simply can’t let go of it. And frankly, only you know how much you can take and what’s worth it or not - no one can tell you this, no matter how much people feel disgusted at the victim - they just don’t know what they’re talking about and are smug and self-righteous (”that could never happen to me!”). Rather, YOU need to decide for yourself what is important to you in life.

For some of you, the guy simply won’t be worth it. This is the “easy” situation (and I know it’s never easy). Just leave - pack up your stuff and go make a better life for yourself. The only thing I’m gonna warn you about is that there may not be another “prince” around the corner waiting to rescue you from your bad relationship. Instead, there may simply be another shark waiting to do the same thing to you. You do have to realize some part of the abuse, of you allowing someone else to treat you a certain way, that part is your fault and what you are responsible for tolerating (but no more than that). So if you go, go for yourself.

If the guy is worth it (or seems that way) then it’s just so much more complicated, isn’t it? As I mentioned earlier, you cannot control other people’s behavior, but you are only responsible for how you act or react. If you allow a guy to hit you, then you have to own up to that. And if you feel the relationship is worth it, you should be realistic to yourself - you should say I let him hit me and for what? Figure out what it is you are getting out of the relationship - is it security, is it the feeling of love, is it sex, is it holding onto someone and trying to own them, etc. If you can pinpoint the actual essential thing, then perhaps you can stop being dependent on it. And you should work to improve yourself and make yourself stronger - remember, it’s about you. You can’t help or take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first - and if no one else is doing it, you have to be your own hero. If this process gives you some strength and you can leave, congratulations. Because the odds aren’t good - if there’s a guy who’s used to getting his way all the time, well it’s hard to change that - the very reason why it’s hard for you to leave. At the same time, this type of guy behavior is more common than society tells you - so don’t be surprised if the next guy is pretty much the same or only slightly better. Don’t be deluded and buy in to that horribly fantastic ideal every movie is piping at you - that you’re just so beautiful and special any guy would treat you like a queen and do everything you want every time you bat your eyes. Those guys (or slaves is a more appropriate term for a person that selfless) just don’t exist except in books and films. So the guy you’re with might be not that great, but not that bad either, practically speaking. Yah, “there’s other fish in the sea”, but they stink too.

But mostly I hope you women who experience this problem do not let it destroy you or take it too personally - the guy is just not being honest with you or telling you his frustrations - instead he’s building them up and taking them out on you. That’s the first thing you should know - it’s not your fault (unless you continue pushing him after he tells you he’s upset). So, one thing you can try is to distance yourself emotionally - because anyone can tell you (well, unless you were literally run over by a car or hit with a crowbar etc.) that it’s not the hitting, it’s the fact that someone you love is hurting you so badly - that’s what’s so difficult about the situation. So mental strength is key for you - you need to “get a life”; I’m not saying that harshly because I completely sympathize with a woman who gets so wrapped up in a man that he becomes her whole life and obsession. But there is more to life than love - they tell you “all you need is love” and sure, if you have love, it feels that way. But anyone who has had love not work out knows - that it can’t be about that - not everyone is lucky enough to find that - does that make their life meaningless? No way. I won’t tell you anything as cheesy as “all you need is to love yourself” or quote you that Whitney Houston song (lol I remember that was posted in my 6th grade classroom). But you do need to value yourself as an individual and be at peace with who you are. Actually, you know what, all you need is love, if you’re talking not about people but God - because He’s the only One that actually can rescue you and be there for you. When no one else hears you, He does.

Which leads me to my last point. Running away is a temporary solution. Thinking he’s a monster and you’re an angel is the cheap way. When you will know that you are really strong is when you can see that he’s only a human being with some faults that he can’t change (at least not any time soon), that he was no superhuman hero, and that you are only responsible for yourself. If you can be a good wife and do your duties without letting his problems destroy you, good for you. If you can’t, you don’t have to throw away your afterlife for a man. But maybe with some time, you can look at the problems you have and fix them slowly. This is the strong woman in Islam - not a belligerant male basher, not a superficial or self-indulgent person, nor a weak victim, but a strong and pious woman who does her part and apologizes to no one after God.

LOL I am so lazy. Every time someone asks me to write something up, I figure, why waste it? I’m on a da’wah mailing list and here’s something I wrote to help someone who had a research paper due about food. (Man, if he plagiarizes it, he is so busted!)

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Introduction

In general, since Islam is a religion, the actual criteria for “halaal” (allowed) and “haraam” (prohibited) foods is the decree of God. The only things not allowed (as food) are 4 (mentioned in the Quran):

1. dead flesh (carrion)
2. blood (large amount)
3. the flesh of swine (pigs, hogs, etc.)
4. what is slaughtered ritualistically for other than God (pagan sacrifices, etc.)

Aside from that, we are not allowed to consume alcohol (although we can use it to clean/disinfect, etc.) or other intoxicants (marijuana, etc.).

Besides that, we are allowed to eat or drink anything else (special exceptions might be poison used for suicide, etc.). So you should realize that since it is religious (as opposed to scientific or socialogically based, etc.) there is not always a clear match up to those issues (they do exist but are not exclusively correlated).

Now that you have some basic information, here is a look at the factors you mentioned:

1. Physiological Factors - In general, aside from what is absolutely prohibited (above), the Quran tells Muslims to “eat what is lawful and good of the earth”. Therefore, one can see that Muslims are recommended to eat what is beneficial to their bodies and to avoid what is unhealthy.

Another point of interest might be that the Quran continually talks about God and how he provides “fruits” for us, and if you look at nutrition and what we know about fruits in particular, they are amazingly beneficial, some even able to ward of cancer and such! So to us this is a miraculous aspect of God reminding us again and again how nourishing and benficial fruits are.

Also God mentions that alchol is prohibited EVEN THOUGH there is a benefit in it (this is also mentioned in the Quran) - yet God says the benefit is overshadowed by the harm it causes. And if you look at the science on this, with all the recent talk of having a glass of wine a day, etc. and comparing it with the fact that so many social (addiction, abuse, date rape, etc.) and physical (liver, killing of brain cells, etc.) diseases come from it, you will see the words of the Quran are true.

Islam also encourages (and during the month of Ramadhan) mandates moderation in food. Not only is this good for the body, it gives a person self-control over their body (rather than having the body control you). The Prophetic “Sunnah”, or practice, was to fill 1/3 of the stomach with food, 1/3 with water, and leave 1/3 for it to “breathe”. So balance is key.

2. Psychological Factors - Again, since Islam is religious guidance, there is heavy (probably heavier than physical) emphasis on the internal states of one eating or drinking. When a Muslim eats or drinks, they experience the following mental states:

a. practicality (in that they do not see food as the purpose of life but rather that it is a means to keep the mind and heart going)
b. gratitude (in that they are grateful to God that they have the food)
c. compassion (the experience of fasting helps relate to the Muslim the pain of hunger and deprivation of food)
d. spirituality (the person eats what God allows, remembering God before eating and thanking God afterwards)
e. discipline (in that the person does not exceed the bounds of moderation and also in not becoming too attached to the material indulgence of food)

3. Economic Factors - I am not too sure what you mean by this, but here is some info: in Islam, a person should earn their own money and of course they cannot steal it etc. In addition, a Muslim cannot conduct dishonest or unfair business practices (ex: cheating in weights and measures or tricking someone in their dealings). Islam also protects the rights of all involved, including workers - the Prophet, peace be upon him, instructed us that we should pay the worker “before the sweat on his body dries”. On top of all that, Muslims are mandated to give 1/40th of their excess wealth to the poor - this is not optional, but the “right” of the poor (the “poor-due”). Of course, charity itself is highly encouraged in Islam and the Quran repeatedly mentions “feeding the hungry” in specific. All of this combines to ensure a just society where everyone’s needs are met and one segment does not oppress or exploit the other.

4. Social Factors - Again I am not sure exactly what you are looking for but I will try my best - Islam is a social religion. Eating with the family, with friends, neighbors, etc. is very important. The Prophet said that he is not a believer who goes to bed full while his neighbor is hungry. He also taught us the mannerisms of eating communally (when eating together). In addition, many of the rituals and celebrations of Islam include feeding people (ex: the marriage and birth ceremonies). There are also prayers to make asking God to “feed the one who fed me and give drink to the one who gave drink to me”. All in all, the social aspect of food in Islam enjoins the Muslim not to be selfish.

Me and my husband have noticed that people who are attached to the Quran tend to be a special breed. They tend to be a bit broader in their thinking, less likely to be part of partisan strife, more open to Muslim brotherhood, etc. To sum it up, it seems they are more elevated, and perhaps this is because they are attached to the most elevated of texts, the Revelation. Alhamdulillaah, my mother has been very devoted to the Quran and I remember some years back she had a dream that people were putting the Quran in mud and trampling it, and she picked it up (may Allah grant her this honor). Some of the brothers we come across in Da’wah that are companions of the Book also never cease to amaze us - they are selfless and zealous when it comes to working for it or making it available to others.

But mostly, they just tend to have better manners - they are not the hotheads, they are the more quiet and humble, the more generous in working for others, etc. And this is not surprising when you realize that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam mentioned he has come “to perfect the manners” and that his character was described by ‘Aishah as “the walking Quran”.

Which brings me to the subject of the Quran in relation to knowledge. One of the names of the Quran is “Adh-Dhikr”, or “The Rememberance”. As such, people attached to the Quran also tend to be more spiritual, more contemplative, while those who more heavily read fiqh or other subjects tend to be more legalistic in nature.

It is best to have a balance of course, for the Quran and Sunnah complement one another - the general and the specific, the text and its implementation, etc. I do believe there is a wisdom in Allah’s injunction to ask those of knowledge:

“So ask of those who know (Adh-Dhikr) the Scripture, if you know not. ”

Unfortunately, in our time today, the Quran is almost an afterthought when it comes to circles of knowledge. It is almost seen as too vague to be of much use in being (or appearing) “learned”. Being “knowledgable” is more noticable if you can quote lots of fataawaa, if you read lots of books or refutations, etc. Many of those most adamantly engaged in partisan rivalry are not necessarily that knowledgable of the first source for Islam, the Quran.

And this is sad, for the Quran is, as it describes itself, among other things, “light”, “guidance”, “mercy”, etc. So if these things are missing from our lives, how knowledgable can we really be about Islam? The Quranic sciences are also seemingly less appealing to students of knowledge. Most would rather go into “exciting” fields such as fiqh, ‘aqeedah, usool, etc. because that’s where all the real action is in our time today. But I also think that mentality is part of the problem.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not seek knowledge to compete with the scholars, nor to argue with the ignorant, nor to gain control of gatherings, for whoever does that: the Fire, the Fire!”

This hadith is a warning to purify our intentions, but it seems in our time, with the hostility and rivalry between groups so high, people will undoubtedly fall into trying to “score one” for their side. Yet, again, the Quran, the root of all Islamic knowledge, is often a footnote in the circles of knowledge. Once in a while, you do see a scholar who goes on to specialize in Quran and it is heartening. Inshallah, more and more people will go back to this Book, which is not just an academic text, but a source of light (in that it is actually an act of worship to read from it), the most eloquent of speech (and this should appeal to all who are inclined towards the written word), and the primary source (which should be memorized by anyone legally inclined). Returning to the Quran is the first step in the life of all individual Muslims, and giving it at least equal weight to any other texts in Islamic scholarship will make for a more balanced Ummah. As it is said, we need to “go back to our roots” and we need to not be so fixated on the trees that we cannot see the forest.

And lastly, how can we forget that the Quran is the only way (like previous revelations) that God Almighty speaks to mankind directly (saving the Prophets), and that is His Speech? This in itself makes study of the Quran, and all its beautiful sciences: the art of recitation, its various readings, even its calligraphy, an appealing accomplishment for any who desire its honor. May Allah grant us the status of being one of the “People of the Book”.

We live in a world where most of us feel, as Queen said, “I want it all and I want it now!” Now, I do believe it’s amazing that we have advanced so much in technology, medicine, etc. but where this progress turns on its head to become regressive is when we believe that if we eliminate all bad feelings, life will be good. I can even see the point in trying to be physically comfortable - if you feel hot, put on the air conditioner; if you have a headache, take a pill; if you’re hungry, grab a snack; heck, if you’re depressed, grab a pill too.

But what I see is that many of us are trying to rid any unpleasant sensation whatsoever, even those which are beneficial to us. For example, I see the slogan “No Fear” a lot (usually on the back of a pickup lol). It is indeed unpleasant to feel afraid - I myself do not enjoy it. Yet the false remedy seems to be to simply hide away (creating a cozy world of television and carefully chosen acquaintances who think as we do) and ignore the things which are frightening: war, corruption, crime, etc. Or we can go the other way and simply nuke everything so that lo and behold we can ignore it as well. Many of the “game faces” you see nowadays, with people being unusually heated or belligerent stems from this. If you go in hard enough, no one can touch you. The problem with this is that it often escalates frightening situations. If everybody’s right, then we’re in serious trouble. Things seem to be getting more and polarized amongst people who are digging in their heels. The frightening situations will not just go away until we can look them in the face and deal with them justly. Yes, it might even reach you one day in your castle-behind-the-walls.

Logic, ethics, and even common sense tell us that it is possible we are wrong sometimes. Yet this is not a thought even entertained by many people nowadays (both non-Muslim and Muslim). Ironically, this is not bravery but cowardice. It is an infant trying to hold onto the security blanket of reassurance, of staying as we are and refusing to be challenged. We may as well put our fingers in our ears and sing la la la. Rather, humility can actually help us find the right answers, no matter how unpleasant the interim of feeling “doubt”. There is legitimate doubt (based on something not being correct or feeling ill at ease in your conscience/soul) and illegitimate doubt (simple neuroticism or lack of confidence, etc.) - and a smart person will keep the good and get rid of the bad. (By the way, many religious people balk at “doubt” as a bad thing - it is when applied to things which are certain or basic, but not to simply keeping an open mind when learning - for how can you be expected to have 100% unwavering certainty in the political dogma you are fed? If you don’t believe me, ask yourself how the person you disagree with is ever supposed to see your side of it - which implies the same applies to you lol.)

This is why the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said that pride is not looking nice or grooming yourself well, but rather it is “rejecting the Truth and looking down on the people.” There is also a Hadith Qudsi which states that Allah will put anyone who has a speck of pride into the Hellfire.

Another “bad” feeling is that of guilt. Yes, there are some things such as mere social custom which should not make us feel ashamed of ourselves. Yet, shame and guilt are natural inhibitors we have - alarm bells which go off telling us - ahem - that we may not be doing everything right. Now many people, instead of taking heed and correcting their behavior or ridding themselves of the vices or low behaviors, they cleverly go to the root of the “problem” (which is not them of course!) and get rid of the guilt! This is like taking out the batteries in your smoke detector or alarm clock - peace at last - no irritating noise!

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said that the person who most deserves our shame is Allah. When I was younger, I didn’t quite understand this - I thought it meant literally such as if we are unclothed, etc. and wondered how if Allah created us. The “hayaa`” is not just modesty in a physical way, but it means feeling ashamed. In the olden days they would use public shame to root out the traits considered immoral in the society (which can be quite effective). Yet, if you are doing something wrong, it is a lack of faith to feel afraid from others and safe when in private. And this is the meaning of the statement - for God deserves your self-consciousness of His scrutiny far more than any human being, and the hadith is an injunction towards ridding oneself of hypocrisy while enlightening us of the reality of the matter (God sees all).

Anyway, all I’m saying is that not all of life is meant to be “shiny and happy” (REM). And not all unpleasant feelings in your mind/heart/soul are destructive - many of them are constructive. It will be good to see people who continue to esteem humility, conscience, and righteousness not as simply pointlessly weak states. (The thing is most people instinctively like to feel these things - but simply reject “old fashioned” stuff with “new age” stuff - plenty are “mad as hell” and full of righteous fury, still using the paradigms of good and bad, etc. The basics never really leave us, just get updated.)

Hopefully we see less “brave faces” and more strong essences. “No pain, no gain” doesn’t just apply to weight lifting or learning. It applies to individual human development as well. So if you’re “advanced” hopefully you save some of these “bad feelings” for yourself. :)