sorry sista, you caught me at a bad time - i feel your pain maybe too much right now since well, i basically hate everyone and am quite cynical about humanity; all that you mentioned sadly does happen (yes, i am a manhater right now, but also a people hater in general - long story) but one thing you said really struck me subhanallah - the part about keeping it from your non-muslim family

im not in a place to judge if that’s a good or bad thing, but it just displays how much you still care about islam :)

may allah ease your hardships and the hardships of all the sufferers out there…

Who Cares:

Lets take a look at why women decide to stay with a man who is rubbish.

Islamicly if you leave , you get money for your children and nothing for yourself , there is no bait amaal to give you a salary , so you steal money from your children ? no thanks , or you who are a older woman and you will become dependent on your family for handouts ? and a revert what happens then?

How others look at you , for some strange reason women are always blamed for the downfall of a marriage even if your the one walking out the door , subhaan Allah she is walking for a reason . And anyone who says you should not bother what others think , is living in a dream world, women are sensitive and so are children, why make their life harder by listening to taunts by others because their families cant keep their traps shut in front of their children.

Women become male bashers due to their experiences with them , I used to say what’s wrong with the women who are like that , but I can see how they become like that. and then we are told to be patient and fix the problems ? some men are beyond repair .
I listened to immams telling me be patient , now my patience has affected my children’s life as they now have a terrible role model as a father , and my daughters don’t want to be married , and my sons are having problems as their father cant be bothered with them. And are live bait to those who wish to take advantage of that situation.
The worse thing of out of all of this is I have to hide this from my non muslim family, so they don’t have a bad impression of Muslims and don’t worry about me. I have oppressed my children ,mainly due to no responsible wali .
Divorce seems to be a bad thing in Islam , we treat it like the Catholics, stay together no matter what .

We can be pious strong muslims but even those can break too.