5 Responses to “Marital Vow”

1. Abu Ilyas Says:
   May 14th, 2007 at 2:45 am

   I think this happens anyway doesn’t it?

   Husband: “What’s wrong?”
   Wife: “Nothing! *sulks*”
   Husband: “Err, it looks like there’s something up. Did I do something wrong?”
   Wife: “Don’t you know?”
   Husband: “Erm, ok. Sorry.”
   Wife: “What for?”
   Husband: “Don’t know, I just figured I’ve done something wrong and thought to apologise for it.”
   Wife: “You so don’t understand me! *storms out*”

2. fatimahye Says:
   May 17th, 2007 at 5:38 pm

   yes, but i’m proposing an agreement where the two parties know it is doomed for failure BEFORE they begin and ACCEPT it

   so the wife should actually appreciate her husband’s attempt at caring while the husband appreciates his wife’s efforts at dealing with her own problems

   it’s just courtesy from both sides - for example if your friend is dying of cancer, you can’t really do anything to help him, but you can still care and make that apparent, let him know

   so the next time your husband says (timidly and nervously) “what’s wrong” (all the while dreading the answer) say “nothing” and mean it! just be happy he cares to even ask or tell him briefly you’re frustrated but please please please don’t expect him to actually fix it for you - rather try to feel some relief that he cares about you in general

   and the next time your wife looks sulky ask her what’s bothering her and if you don’t know what to do to help her, just mention you care but don’t really know what to do - it’s compassionate and caring and most of all honest

   i just think it’s the expectations that lead to frustration and conflict - the man expecting his wife to “take it like a man” when there’s sadness in her life and the woman expecting her husband to be like a girlfriend who oohs and aahs over her when most guys try to never even mention their problems to their friends

3. Abu Ilyas Says:
   May 18th, 2007 at 2:38 pm

   I’m sure there’s someone somewhere nodding at the analogy of marriage being like dying from cancer.

4. Mus Says:
   May 20th, 2007 at 12:52 am

   As a woman, I agree on the fact that the husband asking is really just enough for her. Because we know we can be so complicated sometimes, and well, er, because we think “men are dumb!” :P We know they can’t solve our problems. We are smart enough to know that :P In fact sometimes they make it worst!!

   So yea. But what we were hoping is at least a care and concern to *ask*.

   I think that has always been the issue for me, personally.

   Also, I think it is sweet the fact that the husband is concerned, but admit his incapability to provide a solution.

   But of course, I think it defeats the purpose when the husband starts taking it as a technical routine. E.g.

   Husband: “Oh my wife is having problem. Just ask ‘Are you ok?’. And forget about really caring. Don’t have to anyways.”

5. qisas.com Says:
   July 22nd, 2007 at 5:31 am

   very nice reflections, jazakallah

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