A Woman’s Silence
Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Cant you understand
Oh my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Enjoy the silence
—————————————————————————————–
“Girls talk too much” - Peter Pan
We all know it - we women love talking. This can be very charming actually - sometimes you’ll chirp along like a little child. Many times, however, it can get us into trouble.
Aside from the obvious pitfalls of talking too much - gossip, wasting of time, empty-headedness - in a marriage, often speaking messes things up. For example, as women we tend to just sort of comment on everything or mother the situation “oh, we need to do such and such” or “watch out for that”. We call it caring. Guys call this nagging.
On top of it, we tread dangerous waters when it comes to speaking about our relationships. Most guys really can’t articulate how they feel, or if they do, it comes out dumb or just plain hurtful. So save yourself some pain - just don’t delve into too many issues on how a guy “feels” - you might not like what you hear. Sure, it’s the “truth” but many of us can’t handle it. So why go there. It’s usually an unnecessary misunderstanding anyway.
Say you have a guy and a girl sitting there. The girl says “What are you thinking about” and the possibilities are beautiful - how much he loves her, how beautiful she is, how he’d give anything to be with her. What he says is, “work” or something worse. So what’s the point - I mean if he tells you how he feels, great. But until then, don’t hold your breath.
A self-respecting woman will be quiet a lot of the time. Get a life of your own, don’t nag, don’t speak if not necessary. You know what will happen? The guy will have a lot more respect for you, and even interest. Speaking too much causes you to lose your upper hand (in charm and stuff). So try it sometime - let your eyes, your body speak.
And keep your mouth shut. : )
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October 30th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
Assalamu alykum
Seriously good advice.
I think i’m on both side of the fence..I can talk things to death and i can also shut up when needed.
October 31st, 2006 at 5:59 pm
“Let him who believes in Allah and the last day speak of good or remain silent”
November 1st, 2006 at 10:11 am
great stuff. its true. definately. guys dont think all deeply about things where as women we words and meanings too much. we just live and do our own things and will be loved and respected for it.
November 3rd, 2006 at 7:22 am
lol so true! I have this thing of boring my husband to death with talking…So many times i’ll be pouring my heart out…and my husband will interrupt with “honey, what’s the time?” And he wouldn’t do it purposely, it would just come out his mouth…And i would just shut up…
November 12th, 2006 at 8:42 am
i think we as wives should mother our children not our husbands. they know right from wrong. we as moms need to focus on teaching them how to be pious muslims inshallah.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:35 am
Rassululahi (saw) advised the men to ‘give more of an ear to your wife then you would spying on the enemy’.
December 1st, 2006 at 5:20 pm
i hope everyone - both brothers and sisters realize i am not saying a husband should not listen to his wife; we all know the prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam was the best to his wives; rather a lot of women do have a tendency to talk too much (as some men do as well) and particularly to nag or complain (not every woman, of course) and it simply enhances a woman’s charm to be less vociferous at times; some practical advice, which i have also seen non-muslim sources mention and what i found from personal experience; it has nothing to do with “mothering” our husbands - rather it was an enjoinment for a woman to improve her own character; the whole gender war/blame game going on in our societies really needs to end and i think it can only start by each person doing their part to be a good person
i hope inshallah we can take good advice for ourselves without feeling defensive - it was not my intention to put women down (i happen to be a woman too lol) - rather it was advice from me to all my beloved sisters which i believe actually empowers them, and which they are free to take or leave
i also want to mention i may tend to say controversial things, but whether you agree with me or not, please remember, i am not on the side of men, nor do i try to be chauvinistically on the side of women and put everything in their favor; i really believe islam, being a divine way of life, has the balance that society typically does not
baarakumullaahu fee khayr! :)
February 17th, 2007 at 3:04 am
this advice is worth its weight in gold. i learned it the hard way. alhamdulillah.
men are nothing like women.
it is an emotionally fatal mistake to project your thoughts and feelings onto your husband.
he is an amzing person, and he loves you as much as you love him if not more… but Allah swt created him differently - his love is different and the way that he shows it is different.
baraak allahu feeki ya fatima
March 10th, 2007 at 3:27 am
I really really enjoyed reading this Fatima, jezakAllah khair. Especially those lyrics, I never really knew what they said until I actually read them :) lol.
I believe it’s true silence can be a good thing. But at the same time, I believe that sometimes husband and wife truely need to sit down and communicate in a polite orgnanized fashion in order to sort of, “tune up ” their marriage. Because me personally? When I stuff all my emotions deep down inside, I tend to explode with anger and frustration later, saying the most unislamic things, and my anger will just turn me into a monster. Sometimes all silence and no communication can back fire. Ofcourse we understand the need to have a middle ground. Sometimes problems left unsolved problems can turn roll into bigger ones, that if left undelt with, later they turn into all out wars, and eventually divorce(That happened to me so I speak with experience).
A bickering nagging spouse is really annoying, that’s true. There is a difference however between nagging and communication.
I’ve done some pretty crazy stuff in my life, when I decided to hole up my emotions and stay silent. I believe we have to find a middle ground and find the best time to communicate and find the best way to communicate in order to live happy marriages.
March 12th, 2007 at 2:48 am
yah, i’m not saying to stay completely silent lol - and not even about problems, the focus was more on leaving things unsaid at times
April 17th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Jazak Allahu Khayran sis.
April 26th, 2007 at 3:17 am
cool ideas
nice advice
thanx
peace